Monday, December 7, 2009

Mothering and guilt.

What is it about being a mom and having guilt? No matter what "kind" of mom I talk to, they are all guilty. If you are a working mom you have the guilt of dividing time between your career (which we were raised to work so dang hard to have) and your kid. If you are a stay at home mom it is the guilt of not spending enough undivided attention doting on your child. If you are a part time working/trying so darn hard to be a stay at home mom while keeping your career that you worked so hard for somewhere in your existence.

I have had the glorious pleasure of experiencing each and every one of the above guilts. And yet, I see NO men that have any of this guilt. Not just my husband, but NO MAN I KNOW. WHY!?!?!?!?

I think that they are on to something. I know that when Ralph is working, he is working. He is 100% consumed with all things AB and being the best darn KAM in the nation. And he is. When he is in dad mode he is the worthy of father of the year. And he is. He even finds the time to be an amazing husband as well. And he is. PLUS, he gets a great nights sleep and while things weigh on his mind and heart, guilt of being a good employee, father and husband never seem to be an issue.

How is this possible?

Every woman that I have a conversation with struggles with the mom guilt. You either feel guilty because you are not following what you worked so hard to accomplish, guilty because you don't have the time to be a great wife, housekeeper, chef, guilty because you are so ADD that you do not know up from down or if you are going to end up reading a flash report to your child at bedtime and bringing "Five Little Monkeys" to your next big presentation.

This is really more of a rambling post because I have no thoughts on how to make it go away. As stated above, I have been all three. I am now the part time working mom. Because I can not work full time and I can not stay home full time. I am pretty darn miserable at either when I do not have the other. But I still have guilt. Guilt. Ugly dirty guilt.

And I am a converted Catholic. This guilt is not something that was ingrained in me from the day I was born.

So, are there any suggestions out there for getting past the guilt and enjoying the time of our lives that I know we will all look back on and remember so fondly? One thing I know for certain is that this is the time that our parents talk about with youth being wasted on the young. I know my mom regrets spending so much time feeling guilty and not just enjoying every moment to the fullest capacity. I want to live in the moment and cherish. Cherish my husband, my daughter, my career. All of it. I want it all. How do you have it all?


Tonia said...

I hate to say it but I think its impossible. We're brought up not only by our parents but by society that good just isn't good enough. Constantly striving to be better...whether its shaving time off your mile or getting your leg a little bit higher in adagio. :) I don't think we're ever content just with the way things are. Hope that made sense.

Amanda said...

I think when we have false guilt we have to pray to recognize it when it comes and then change our thought patterns. We have to replace the untrue thought - that we're not good enough because _____ - with truth. Here's a good truth:

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Eph. 2:10

Also, check out Proverbs 31.